I'm not really much of a poet, but Nina, myself, Emma and Summer have been killing free time at work by writing poems and occasionally sharing them with each other. In a way it's a bit therapeutic and helps me sort out how I'm feeling.
So here's one I wrote today. But instead of a traditional poem, I wrote it in the form of song lyrics. I don't know what kind of tune would go good with it, but here it is. (I'll explain the context of the poem afterwards)
"Let Me Through"
I guess I just don't understand
Why you have so many demands.
What is it that keeps you tickin'?
Could it be that you're no longer thinkin'?
Right now I just got to put you aside.
So I can think of ways to feel alive.
The end really isn't here.
But by the way you're talking it seems to be gettin near.
(Refrain:) You got your mind turned around and you just won't go back.
So how am I supposed to compete with that?
Chock full of ideas and nowhere to go.
I'm here and you don't even know.
That there's so much more I could do.
If you would just let me through.
Go on, step back. You ain't got nothing to lose.
'Cept maybe your soul and you got no clue.
Stuck in a past where everythin's predictable.
There, life's not a challenge - it's just incorrigible.
Stop beating yourself up and get out there and do.
Because I'm sick of waiting around for you.
(Refrain:) You got your mind turned around and you just won't go back.
So how am I supposed to compete with that?
Chock full of ideas and nowhere to go.
I'm here and you don't even know.
That there's so much more I could do.
If you would just let me through.
People, they want a safe life to live in.
And they'll stop at nothing to win.
But it's like diggin' into concrete with a spoon:
You get nowhere fast and it all ends very soon.
I can't be a part of that, it just won't do
So instead I try to shine on through.
(Refrain:) You got your mind turned around and you just won't go back.
So how am I supposed to compete with that?
Chock full of ideas and nowhere to go.
I'm here and you don't even know.
That there's so much more I could do.
If you would just let me through.
I don't know how the next chapter will read.
But I do know that it'll be written by me.
It's time to break up with the past.
And move onto what's next real fast.
Confusion might be your black rain cloud.
But gettin' wet sets me apart from the crowd.
(Refrain:) You got your mind turned around and you just won't go back.
So how am I supposed to compete with that?
Chock full of ideas and nowhere to go.
I'm here and you don't even know.
That there's so much more I could do.
If you would just let me through.
If you would just let me through.
When I first started writing these lyrics today, I had no idea what they were about until about three quarters of the way through. I just let the creative juices flow and this was the result.
The lyrics are about myself and people I've known who are stuck on their pasts and are so consumed by their problems that they end up damaging themselves and/or those around them. For instance, about a year ago I was in a year and a half-long relationship. The person I was with was hung up on their past. They had mental issues too and couldn't seem to move forward, no matter how much I tried to help.
It's been almost a year to the day. Writing these words made me relaize how that relationship had me trapped, so I'm glad I ended it a few weeks later.
I'm so happy I did, because if I hadn't I wouldn't be here in Japan right now, figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I also wouldn't have met so many interesting and wonderful people along the way.
So I guess these lyrics mark a milestone of sorts for me. One year of change has done me a LOT of good, and I plan on it continuing. This doesn't mean I leave friends behind, rather it's proof that everyone's perpetually changing - some more than others.
On other levels, this song is also about people in general who have tried to hold me back from doing or experiencing something. Most of the time I can't stand being restricted, so there are times when I've just had to say "let me through, dammit!" Even if I'm confused after making this statement, and may not have a rock solid game plan in place, I am at least trading their certainty for some healthy confusion and chaos.
Having some confusion and chaos in your life is definately a good thing at times, because it's through these times that we grow. (Adapting to Japanese culture, for instance, is an excellent way to grow!)
I'm at the point right now where I'm trying to "shine on through" with whatever talents God has given me. So far, I seem to be good at teaching and learning new languages. It's just nice that I've put myself into a position where I can explore these things and figure out what's next.
If you put yourself out there, life will find you and help you figure out what to do next. You just have to listen to life's sounds and look for signs. Trust me, they'll appear when you're open-minded or even confused. Also, try not to have too many regrets or look back to the past because it can prevent you from seeing things in the present designed to guide you towards the rest of your life.
I know this is really deep for my blog, but I hope it clarifies why I might occasionally post poetry here. Japan definitely has had a liberating effect on my mind, because I actually have time to think about stuff like this and take a breather from the rat race in the USA.
Remember this quote as you go throughout your day: "You only live once. Make it count!"
